How to Talk to Anyone – Book, Summary, Notes & Highlights

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🚀 The Book in 3 Sentences

1. The first impression of you is the most important.
2. Don’t treat anyone as a stranger, but rather as a good friend of yours, even treat them as you would with a kid.
3. The way you communicate can changed your entire life.

🎨 Impressions

How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for big Success in Relationship is a good book, I found it helpful, but too long. The author could’ve made the book way shorter. Good thing I heard it and not read it.

How I Discovered It

My brother recommended it to me.

Who Should Read It?

Anyone who is trying to improve their speaking skills.

☘️ How the Book Changed Me

• I started to incorporate some of the techniques, such as the first one, and I have been seeing a difference in the interactions I have with others.

✍️ My Top Quotes

• The way you look and move is more than 80% of someone’s first impression of you
• People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care

I usually take my own notes of books I read, but in this case I found it unnecessary because it’s a book of tips, and I found these Notes by Marlo Yonocruz, which cover every little Tip.

Pss. Some of these Tips have been helping me tremendously.

Enjoy!

Notes By Marlo Yonocruz

📒 Summary + Notes

PART 1: HOW TO INTRIGUE EVERYONE WITHOUT SAYING A WORD

• The way you look and move is more than 80% of someone’s first impression of you
• Studies show that emotional reactions occur even before the brain has time to register what’s causing their reaction
• Posture of a cool, confident, charismatic guy:
  • great posture
  • heads up look
  • confident smile
  • direct gaze
    • Ideal image for somebody who’s a somebody
• Technique #1: The flooding smile
  • Don’t flash an immediate smile
  • Instead, look at their face for a second, pause, soak in their persona, then let a big warm responsive smile flood over your face and overflow into your eyes
    • It will engulf the recipient like a warm wave
  • Intense eye contact makes the other person respect you more
    • Maintaining strong eye contact gives you the impression of being an intelligent and abstract thinker
    • Because they integrate incoming data more easily than concrete thinkers, they can continue looking into someone’s eyes even during the silences
    • Their thought processes are not distracted by peering into their partner’s eyes
• Technique #2: Sticky eyes
  • Pretend your eyes are glued to your conversation partner’s with sticky warm taffy
  • Don’t break eye contact even after they have finished speaking
  • When you do break eye contact, do so ever so slowly and reluctantly until the gooey string finally breaks
    • This sends a message of comprehension and respect
• Technique #3: Epoxy eyes
  • If romance is your goal, epoxy eyes is a proven aphrodisiac
    • It takes at least 3 people to pull off
  • When the speaker is talking, you focus on the listener, aka the target
  • In romance, epoxy eyes transmits the idea of “I can’t take my eyes off of you” or “I only have eyes for you”
  • Intense eye contact can be a turn on
  • For men, epoxy eyes is extremely effective on women if they find you attractive
• Posture technique #4: Hang by your teeth
  • Pretend you are hanging by your teeth on a trapeze bar
• Technique #5: The big baby pivot
  • The instant you’re introduced, reward your new acquaintance
  • Warm smile, total body turn, and undivided attention

“People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care”Zig Ziglar

• The secret to making people like you is showing how much you like them
• Technique #6: Hello old friend
  • When meeting someone, play a mental trick on yourself
  • See him or her as an old friend
• Technique #7: Limit the fidget
  • Whenever your conversation really counts, do not fidget, wiggle, twitch, squirm, or scratch
  • Above all, keep your hands away from your face
• Technique #8: Hans horse sense
  • Express yourself but keep a keen eye on how your listener is reacting to what you’re saying, then plan your moves accordingly
• Technique #9: Watch the scene before you make the scene
  • Rehearse the “super somebody” you want to be ahead of time

PART TWO: HOW TO KNOW WHAT TO SAY AFTER YOU SAY HI

• Small talk is not about facts or words
  • It’s about music, melody, and putting people at ease
  • Matching their mood can make or break the sale
• Technique #10: Make a mood match
  • Best opening line: anything
  • Almost anything you say really is okay as long as it puts people at ease and sounds passionate
  • Put people at ease by convincing them they are okay and that the two of you are similar
• Technique #11: Prosaic with passion
  • Tone is more important than text
  • 80% of your listeners impression has nothing to do with your words
  • Anything you say is fine as long as it’s not complaining, rude, or unpleasant
• Technique #12: Always wear a “WhatsIt”
  • Whenever you go to a gathering, wear or carry something unusual to give people who find you delightful an excuse to approach
  • It’s any object that draws people’s attention and inspires them to approach you and ask “what’s that?”
  • Be a whatsit seeker: become proficient at scrutinizing the apparel of those you wish to approach
• Technique #13: Who is that?
  • Simply ask the party giver to make the introduction or pump for a few facts you can immediately turn into icebreakers
• Technique #14: Eavesdrop in
  • Get close and listen in, then find your chance to say “excuse me I couldn’t help but overhear…”
• Technique #15: Never the naked city
  • Never give a one-word answer about where you’re from
  • Learn some engaging facts about your area that conversational partners can comment on
• Technique #16: Never the naked job
  • When asked what do you do, flush it out and throw out some delicious fax about your job for new acquaintances to munch on
• Technique #17: Never the naked introduction
  • When introducing people, don’t throw out an unbaited hook
  • Bait the conversational hook
• Technique #18: Be a good word detective
  • Listen to your conversation partners every word for clues to his or her preferred topic
  • Truly confident people know they grow more by listening than by talking
• Technique #19: The swiveling spotlight
  • When you meet someone, imagine a giant revolving spot light between you
  • The more you keep the spotlight shining on them, the more interesting you are to them
• Technique #20: Parroting
  • Like a parrot, simply repeat the last few words your conversation partner says
• Technique #21: Encore
  • The sweetest sound a performer can hear is the shouts of encore
  • Start with “tell them about the time you…”
  • Choose an appropriate story you know the person loves to tell that the crowd will enjoy
• Technique #22: Accentuate the positive
  • When first meeting someone, lock your closet door and save your skeletons for later.
• Technique #23: The latest news
  • Don’t leave home without it

PART 3: HOW TO TALK LIKE A VIP

• Technique #24: What do you do, not
  • A sure sign you’re a somebody is the conspicuous absence of the question “what do you do?“
  • Instead ask, “how do you spend most of your time?”
• Technique #25: The nutshell resume
  • Let a different true story about your personal life roll off your tongue for each listener
• Technique #26: Your personal thesaurus
  • Look up some common words you use everyday, then try out a few new words
  • If you like them, start making permanent replacements.
• Technique #27: Kill the quick “me too”
  • Whenever you have something in common, the longer you wait to reveal it, the more moved and impressed he or she will be
• Technique #28: CommYOUnication
  • Start every appropriate sentence with “you”
  • It immediately grabs your listeners attention and gets a more positive response
• Technique #29: The exclusive smile
  • When meeting groups of people, greet each with a distinct smile
• Technique #30: Don’t touch a cliche with a 10-foot pole
• Technique #31: Use techniques of motivational speakers such as humor and understanding context
• Technique #32: Call a spade a spade
  • Don’t hide behind euphemisms
• Technique #33: Trash the teasing
  • Never make a joke at someone else’s expense
• Technique #34: It’s the receivers ball
  • Before throwing out any news, keep the receiver in mind, then deliver with the appropriate emotional emphasis
• Technique #35: The broken record
  • Whenever someone persists in questioning you on an unwelcome subject, simply repeat your original response. Use precisely the same words and same tone of voice
• Technique #36: Big shots don’t slobber over celebrities
  • Don’t complement their work, simply say how their work has given you so much pleasure
  • If you do single out a a piece of work or accomplishments, make sure it is a recent one
• Technique #37: Never the naked thank you
  • Never let the phrase “thank you” stand alone
  • Always follow it with “thank you for…”

PART 4: HOW TO BE AN INSIDER IN ANY CROWD

• Technique #38: Scramble therapy
  • Once a month, scramble your life
  • Do something you’d never dream of doing
  • Scramble therapy is scrambling up your life and participating in an activity you’d never think of indulging in
  • Just 1 out of 4 weekends, do something totally out of your pattern
• Technique #39: Learn a little “jobletygook”
  • This is the language of other professions
  • Speaking it makes you sound like an insider
  • The best way is to ask an insider friend to teach you some of the lingo and best opening questions
• Technique #40: Bearing their hot button
  • Find out what the hot issues are in someone’s field
  • Every industry has burning concerns the outside world knows little about
• Technique #41: Read their rags
  • Read magazines pertaining to the industry you will be encountering to learn insider news
• Technique #42: Clear customs
  • Get a book on cultural customs and taboos on wherever you’re visiting
• Technique #43: Bluffing for bargains
  • Your prices are much lower when you know how to deal and talk insider talk
  • Before any big purchase, find several vendors to learn from and one to buy from

PART 5: INSTANT RAPPORT

• Technique #44: Be a copy class
  • Watch people and look at the way they move
  • Copying their movement style makes them subliminally comfortable with you
  • People are most receptive to those they feel have the same values in life
  • Match your personality to your product
• Technique #45: Echoing
  • It is a simple yet powerful linguistic technique
  • Hearing their words come out of your mouth creates subliminal rapport
• Technique #46: Potent imaging
  • Evoke your listeners interest or lifestyle and weave images around it
  • Use analogies from your listeners world, not your own
• Technique #47: Employ empathizers
  • Vocalize complete sentences to show your understanding
• Technique #48: Anatomically correct empathizers
  • Use visual, auditory, or kinesthetic empathizers depending on your conversation partners
• Technique #49: The premature we
  • Create the sensation of intimacy with someone even if you just met moments before
  • Skip conversational levels 1 and 2, and go straight to 3 and 4
• Technique #50: Instant history
  • When you meet a stranger you’d like to make less a stranger, search for some special moment you shared during your first encounter

PART 6: HOW TO DIFFERENTIATE THE POWER OF PRAISE FROM THE FOLLY OF FLATTERY

• Technique #51: Grapevine glory
  • A compliment one hears is never as exciting as the one he overhears.
  • We are more apt to trust someone who says nice things about us when we aren’t listening than someone who flatters us to our face
• Technique #52: Carrier pigeon kudos
  • Become a carrier of good news and kudos
  • Whenever you hear something complimentary about someone, go to them to deliver the compliment
• Technique #53: Implied magnificence
  • Throw a few comments into your conversation that presupposes something positive about the person you’re talking with
• Technique #54: Accidental adulation
  • Become an undercover complementer
  • Stealthily sneak praise into the parenthetical part of your sentence
• Technique #55: Killer compliment
  • Search for one attractive, specific, and unique quality he or she has
  • At the end of the conversation, look them in the eye, say their name and deliver the compliment
  • Killer complement rules:
    1. Deliver your complement in private
    2. Make your killer compliment credible
    3. Confer only one killer compliment per half year on each recipient
• Technique #56: Little strokes
  • Let the people around you know how much you appreciate them by caressing them with verbal little strokes
• Technique #57: The knee-jerk “wow”
  • You must praise people the moment they finish a feat
• Technique #58: Boomeranging
  • Let compliments boomerang right back to the giver
  • Quickly respond with something like “that’s very kind of you”
• Technique #59: The tombstone game
  • Ask people what they would like engraved on their tombstone
  • Keep it in your memory but don’t mention it again
    • When the moment is right to say “I appreciate/love you” then fill the blanks with their words they gave you before
• Technique #60: Talking gestures
  • If you want to come across as engaging on the phone, you must turn your gestures into sounds and words
• Technique #61: Name shower
  • People perk up when they hear their name, so use it more often when you’re on the phone to keep their attention
• Technique #62: Oh wow it’s you!
  • Answer the phone warmly, crisply, and professionally
  • After you hear who is calling, let a huge smile of happiness engulf your entire face and spill into your voice
• Technique #63: The sneaky screen
  • If you must screen your calls, train your staff to say that you put them right through
  • When they pick the call back up and apologize for not being able to push through, the caller won’t feel screened
• Technique #64: Salute the spouse or secretary
  • Whenever calling someone, always identify and greet the person who answers. Whenever calling more than once, try to make friends with them
• Technique #65: What color is your time?
  • Always begin your phone conversation about timing
• Technique #66: Constantly changing outgoing message
  • Leave a short, professional, and friendly greeting as your outgoing message
• Technique #67: Your 10 second audition
  • Use your voicemail as a 10 second audition to prove you are worthy to call back
• Technic #68: The ho hum caper
  • Instead of using your party’s name, casually let the pronoun “he” or “she” roll off the tongue
• Technique #69: I hear your other line
  • Acknowledge the noise in the background immediately and ask if they have to attend to it
• Technique #70: Instant replay
  • Record all of your business conversations and listen to them again

PART 8: HOW TO WORK A PARTY LIKE A POLITICIAN WORKS A ROOM

• Technique #71: Munching or mingling
  • Politicians know to never hold food or drink at a party
  • Chow down before you come
• Technique #72: Rubberneck the room
  • When you arrive at the gathering, stop dramatically at the doorway, then slowly survey the situation
• Technique #73: Be the chooser, not the choosee
  • Make every party rehearsal for the moment you might actually meet the person who will change your life
• Technique #74: Come hither hands
  • Be a human magnet, not human repellent
  • Arrange your body in an open position, especially your arms and hands
• Technique #75: Tracking
  • Check the tiniest details of your conversation partners lives
  • Refer to them in your conversation like a major news story
  • It creates a powerful sense of intimacy
• Technique #76: the business card dossier
  • Right after you talk to someone at a party, write down notes to remind you details of the conversation
• Technique #77: Eyeball selling
  • Plan your pitch and pace according to the other persons body signals
• Technique #78: See no bloopers, hear no bloopers
• Technique #79: Lend a helping tongue
  • Whenever someone’s story is aborted, bring back attention to the story after the interruption
• Technique #80: Remember WIIFM and WIIFY
  • Whenever you ask for a meeting or favor, divulge the respective benefits
  • Reveal what’s in it for you and the other person
• Technique #81: Let them savor the favor
  • Whenever a friend agrees to a favor, all them time to enjoy it
  • Wait at least 24 hours
• Technique #82: tit for ….tat
  • When you do someone a favor and it’s obvious they owe you one, wait a suitable amount of time before asking for them to pay
• Technique #83: Parties are for pratter, pleasantries and good fellowship, not for confrontations
• Technique #84: Dinner is for dining
  • It’s okay to brainstorm and discuss positive side of business when eating
  • But no tough business or unpleasant topics
• Technique #85: Chance encounters are for chit chat
  • Do not try and capitalize on a chance meeting if you’re in any sensitive communication with someone
• Technique #86: Empty their tanks
  • Let people have their entire say first before offering your ideas
• Technique #87: Echo the emo
  • Facts speak, emotions about
  • Let people emote
  • Hear their facts but empathize like mad with their emotions
• Technique #88: My goof, your gain
  • Whenever you make a mistake, make sure your victim benefits
• Technique #89: Leave an escape hatch
  • Whenever you catch someone deceiving, don’t confront the dirty duck directly
  • Unless it’s your job to catch them, let the transgressor go
• Technique #90: Buttercups for their boss
  • A sure fire way to get their special care in the future is to send a flattering letter about them to their boss
• Technique #91: Lead the listeners in a positive reaction
  • Be the first to applaud or publicly commend the person you agree with
• Technique #92: The great scorecard in the sky
  • Player with lower score pays deference to players with higher score
• Excellence is not a single and solitary action
  • It is the outcome of many years of making small, smooth moves
• Repeating an action makes a habit. Yours habits create your character. Your character is your destiny.